Te Whakarere i te Hoa Tūkino: Me Rapu Utu rānei koe i te Tinihanga?

E mōhio ana koe ki te mamae o te wā mēnā kua tinihangatia koe. Kua tinihangatia tō whakawhirinaki, ā, e ahua ana kua tangohia tō ngākau i roto i tō uma. Tērā pea ka whakaaro koe kāore e taea e koe te whakawhirinaki anō. Engari, me pēhea mēnā ka huri te āhua? Me pēhea mēnā ka whai wāhi koe ki te rapu utu mō te tinihanga? Ka mahi koe?

Ko te tinihanga rapu utu, e mōhiotia ana ko te "tinihanga whakahoki", ko te wā e tinihangatia ana te tangata i tinihangatia e ia ki tana hoa hei utu. He huarahi tēnei hei rapu utu i a rātou mō te mamae me te mamae i pā ki a rātou. Ahakoa kāore he taurangi ka pā te mamae ki tō hoa i te rapu utu, he mea whakaharikoa te mōhio kua ea tō utu.

Engari i mua i tō whakatau ki te tinihanga, me whakaaro koe ki ētahi mea. I roto i tēnei aratohu, ka tūhuratia e mātou te tinihanga rapu utu, ngā hua ka puta mai i te rapu utu, me pēhea te haere tonu i tō oranga i muri i te tinihanga.

He aha te tinihanga rapu utu i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Ko te tinihanga rapu utu i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te wā i tinihanga ai tetahi i tana hoa hei utu. He huarahi tēnei hei utu mō te mamae me te pōuri i pā ki a ia.

Ahakoa kāore he taurangi ka pāngia tō hoa e te mamae i pā ki a koe nā te tinihanga rapu utu, he mea whakaharikoa te mōhio kua ea tō utu.

He whānuitia te tautohetohe mō te ariā o te rapu utu. E whakapono ana ētahi he hē te tinihanga i tētahi, ahakoa ngā take kei muri. E whakapono ana ētahi he pai te tinihanga mēnā ka mahia hei utu mō te tinihanga tuatahi.

Heoi, ko te whakaaro whānui ko te rapu utu i te tangata tinihanga ka nui ake te kino ki a koe i te tuatahi. Nā te riri me te mauahara, kāore te iwi e whiwhi i te whakamarie, i te makona rānei e tumanakohia ana e rātou ina rapu utu rātou mā te tinihanga.

Engari, he maha tonu te whakama me te whakama ki ā rātou mahi, ka nui ake te mamae o te ngākau. Kei reira anō te tūponotanga ka mauheretia rātou, ka pāngia e ngā hua kino, pērā i te mutunga o tō whanaungatanga.

He aha te iwi e rapu utu ai: 5 ngā take

Ka mutu rānei ia wā o te tinihanga me te hiahia ki te rapu utu? Kāore, kāore rawa. E rima ngā āhuatanga me tutuki kia puta ai te hiahia ki te rapu utu i te hoa tinihanga:

• Te hē tuturu, te hē rānei e kitea ana: E whakaaro ana koe kua tukinotia koe. Tērā pea nā te mea i tinihanga tō hoa i a koe, nā te mea rānei e whakaaro ana koe i tinihanga rātou (ahakoa kāore).
• He whakapono mā te rapu utu e whakatika te hē: Mā te tinihanga i tō hoa, ka whiwhi hua pea koe. Tērā pea nā te mea e whakaaro ana koe ka pā ki a rātou te mamae i pā ki a koe, nā te mea rānei e whakaaro ana koe ka pakaru tō rāua whanaungatanga.
• Te kaha ki te rapu utu: Me noho koe i te tūranga ka taea e koe te rapu utu i te tangata tinihanga. Ko te tikanga pea kei roto tonu koe i tētahi whanaungatanga ki a rātou, ki te kore rānei ka taea e koe te uru atu ki a rātou (hei tauira, mēnā he hoa koe nō tā rātou hoa hou).
• Ngā uara me ngā whakapono matatika: Tērā pea he rerekē ō tirohanga mō ngā mea e whakaaetia ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, kāore rānei koe e aro ki te pānga o te tinihanga ki tō hoa.
• Āhua o te ngākau: Tērā pea ka mamae koe, ka riri, ka rapu utu rānei i muri i te tinihanga a tō hoa i a koe. I runga i tō āhua, tērā pea ka uaua ki a koe te neke atu me te kore e rapu utu.

Ahakoa te āhua o te mahi, ahakoa te utu pai rawa atu ki te tangata tinihanga, he mahi tinihanga tonu. Ahakoa ka puta he ngākau harikoa mō te wā poto, he mea nui kia whakaarohia ngā hua ka puta mai i te mahi.

Ngā Hua o te Tinihanga Utu mō te Hononga

E ai ki te hinengaro tinihanga utu, ko te hunga e rapu utu ana ka whakaiti i te kino ka puta. Ehara i te mea ka kino noa iho tō whanaungatanga i te tinihanga utu, engari ka arahi pea ki:

• te ngaronga o te whakaute mai i tō hoa
• te kore whakawhirinaki me te tawhiti i roto i tō whanaungatanga
• ngā raruraru ture, ki te rapu utu koe i tētahi hoa tinihanga
• te tutu tinana, ki te rapu utu koe i tētahi hoa tinihanga

Ka taea hoki e te tinihanga rapu utu te kino ki tō ake āhua hinengaro me tō āhua kare ā-roto. Ka arahi pea ki:

• Ngā kare ā-roto o te hara. Tērā pea ka hara koe mō āu mahi, ahakoa i tika kia hara tō hoa.
• Te manukanuka me te ahotea. Tērā pea ka manukanuka koe mō ngā hua ka puta mai i te rapu utu i tētahi hoa wahine/tāne tinihanga, tae atu ki te pānga ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga.
• Te whakaaro nui. Tērā pea ka nui ake tō whakaaro ki te rapu utu, ka nui ake ai te manukanuka me te ahotea.
• Pouri. Ko ngā kare ā-roto kino e pā ana ki te tinihanga rapu utu ka arahi pea ki te pouri.
• Te ngaronga o te whakaute i a koe anō. Ki te takahi ō mahi i ō uara, ka mutu pea ka ngaro tō whakaute ki a koe anō.

Ko te pono kei muri i tētahi whanaungatanga, he mea kore e taea te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto, ngā kare ā-roto, me ngā tauhohenga a tētahi. Ki te whakaaro koe mā te rapu utu ka whakama tō hoa, ka huri rānei i ōna whanonga, tera pea ka pouri koe.

I mua i te whakaaro ki te tinihanga rapu utu, he mea nui kia pātai koe ki a koe anō he aha. He aha ō whāinga? He aha tāu e tumanako ana kia tutuki i tua atu i te rapu utu i tētahi? Mena kei te aroha tō hoa ki tētahi atu, e kore āu mahi e whakarerekē i tēnā. Ka kite rātou i a koe he tangata pōuri, he tangata kawa rānei, ka hoki mai ō ngana ki te hopu i a rātou, ā, ka kino ake tō whakaaro mōu anō.

Ki te noho tonu koe i roto i te whanaungatanga ahakoa te moe tāne a tō hoa, tera pea ka pouri rātou, ka ngana ki te whakatikatika i a koe. He iti ake te tūponotanga, engari he tūponotanga tonu, ka wehe tō hoa i a koe i muri i tō tinihanga. Ka kite rātou he tinihanga whaiaro tēnei, ā, ka whakaaro he tika ā rātou mahi.

Me pēhea te wikitoria i te hiahia ki te rapu utu i roto i te whanaungatanga

Kāore he tangata hei kī atu ki a koe mēnā me rapu utu koe i te wahine kē atu. Kei a koe te whakatau. Heoi, ki te whakatau koe ki te muru i tō hoa, ki te noho tonu rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga, tera ētahi huarahi hei wikitoria i te hiahia ki te tinihanga.

• Kōrero ki tō hoa mō ngā mea i tupu me ō kare ā-roto. Mena kei te pai rātou ki te whakarongo me te ngana ki te whakatika i ngā mea. Ka taea hoki e koe te whakamātau i te rongoā hinengaro, i te tohutohu rānei hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau i ō kare ā-roto. Kei reira anō ngā rōpū tautoko e wātea ana mō te hunga kua tinihangatia.
• Mea atu ki a koe anō he rangitahi noa iho ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka memeha haere ēnei kare ā-roto. Whakamaumaharatia ngā wā pai i pā ki a kōrua ko tō hoa, me te take e mau tonu ai kōrua i roto i te whanaungatanga.
• Arotahi ki a koe anō me tō harikoa. Ko ngā take hinengaro mō te rapu utu ka whakapōuri i a koe i te mutunga. Me mahi ki te whakapai ake i a koe anō me tō whanaungatanga ki tō hoa.
• Kōrero ki tētahi hoa, ki tētahi mema rānei o te whānau mō ngā mea e pā ana, me ō kare ā-roto. Ka taea e rātou te tuku tautoko me te tohutohu.
• Kaua e whakapae i a koe anō mō ​​te mea i tupu. Ehara i te mea nāu te he.
• Me wehe atu i tō hoa mō tētahi wā. Mā tēnei koe e āwhina ki te whakamārama i tō hinengaro, me te whakatau hoki i te mea hei mahi.
• Kaua e whakaaroaro ki ngā mea i tupu. Mā ngā whakaaro nui ka kino ake tō wairua. He nui ake tō mana whakahaere i ō whakaaro i tō whakaaro.
• Whakaharatauhia te aro nui ki te wā o nāianei, me te arotahi ki te wā o nāianei. Whakaaetia kāore i raro i tō mana whakahaere te mea i tupu. Kāore he painga o te noho tonu ki tētahi mea kāore e taea te whakarerekē. Arotahi ki ngā mea ka taea e koe te whakahaere, arā, ko te āhua o tō tauhohenga ki te āhuatanga.

Me pēhea te whakahaere i te kōrero ki te hoa

E mōhio ana pea tātou, engari ko te whakamatao, te wehe atu rānei i tō tātou hoa he wā tino nui ki te whakahaere i tētahi hononga pōrearea me te rapu utu tinihanga. Heoi, i tētahi wā, me whai wā ki te kōrero hei hanga anō i te whanaungatanga.

Kaua te kōrero tuatahi i muri i te moe tāne e pā ki te "he aha" i puta ai te moe tāne, engari me "pēhea" te pānga o te moe tāne ki tō hoa. He aha ōna kare ā-roto? He aha te pānga ki a rātou i roto i te hinengaro me te hinengaro? Me noho haumaru tō hoa ki te whakapuaki i ēnei kare ā-roto me te kore e whakaaro ka whakahē koe i a rātou.

Ki te mea ko koe te hoa i tinihangatia, kāore he aha kia mataku, kia mangere rānei koe ki te whakapuaki anō i ō whakaaro. Tērā pea kāore koe e tino whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa ki te whakapuaki i tō hiahia ki te whakahoki utu ki tētahi hoa tāne tinihanga. He mea nui kia mahara he hapa te katoa, ā, e tika ana kia whai wāhi tuarua.

Mā ā rātou whakautu me tō urupare ā-roto koe e āwhina ki te whakatau mēnā kei te pouri tō hoa, ā, e hiahia ana ia ki te whakatika i ngā mea. Heoi, kia maumahara kāore ngā huringa pai e puta i te pō kotahi. Ka roa, ka whakapau kaha hoki kōrua ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki.

Te rapu utu tinihanga: Āhea te wā hei wehe?

He aha te take e rapu utu ai te tangata? Tērā pea i nui rawa ngā whai wāhitanga i hoatu e koe ki tō hoa hei whakarerekē i tō kōrua whanaungatanga, engari kāore rātou i pai. Mēnā ka teka rātou, ka huna rānei i ētahi mea i a koe, kua tae pea te wā hei whakamutu i te whanaungatanga.

He mea nui kia kōrerohia ō hiahia me ō wawata ki tō hoa. Tukua rātou kia haere mēnā kāore rātou e pai ki te whakapai ake i te whanaungatanga. He mea whakararu pea te tinihanga i ētahi tāngata, ā, kāore he aha. Me mahi koe i te mea pai mōu.

Ko te tohu matua mō te wehe i a kōrua ko te āhua o ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa. Tirohia ēnei tohu whakatūpato:

• E rite ana koe ki te mea kei te hikoi tonu koe i runga i te anga hua manu.
• Kāore koe e whakawhirinaki ana ki tō hoa.
• Kei te whakapae tonu koe i ā rātou mahi, ā, e rapu huarahi ana koe ki te utu i tāu hoa tāne tinihanga.
• Ka meinga koe e rātou kia pōuri mōu anō.
• He paitini te whanaungatanga, ā, ka whakararu i a koe.

Ko te wehenga pea te otinga pai rawa atu mēnā he pono ēnei mea. E tika ana kia noho koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, harikoa hoki. Kaua e whakaae ki tētahi mea iti iho i tēnā.

Ki te mea kua whakatau koe ko te wehenga te mea pai rawa atu māu, me mahi me te whakaute. Kaua e whakahāwea, e whakapae rānei. Me kī noa i tāu whakatau me te take i tae mai ai koe ki taua whakatau.

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te wehe i te whanaungatanga, engari i ētahi wā he mea tika. Tērā pea kāore tō hoa e tuku i te whanaungatanga ahakoa kua tono atu koe ki a ia. Mā te wehi kei mokemoke, kei rapu utu rānei i tētahi tangata tinihanga ka tūohu te tangata, ka inoi kia whai wāhi anō. Mēnā koinei te āhua, me u tonu koe, me tū pakari hoki ki tō tūranga.

He aha ai? Ko ngā kupu whakaari i mahia i te wā e werawera ana ka warewarehia wawetia i muri iho. Ki te kore e taea e tō hoa te tuku, e kore rānei e pai ki te tuku, me whakamutu rawa atu e koe ngā mea.

He aha mēnā ka rapu utu koe i a rātou mō te tinihanga?

I whakatūpatohia koe kia kotahi rau ngā wā kia kaua e rapu utu i tō hoa tinihanga. Engari i pena tonu koe. Ā, inaianei kei te whakama koe, kei te māharahara, kei te āwangawanga hoki mō te heke mai o tō hauora hinengaro.

Nā, me pēhea e taea ai e koe te aro atu ki ēnei kare ā-roto kaha, kia tīmata ai te ora ake? He tohutohu ngaio ā mātou māu.

1. Kōrero ki tētahi e mārama ana, e tautoko ana hoki i a koe.

Ki te mea kei te ngaro koe, kei te mataku, kei te mokemoke rānei, whakapā atu ki tētahi hoa, ki tētahi mema o te whānau, ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro, ki tētahi waea āwhina rānei. Mā te kōrero mō ngā mea i tupu me ō kare ā-roto ka āwhina i a koe ki te tukatuka i ēnei kare ā-roto kaha, ā, ka tīmata te ora.

2. Tuhia ō whakaaro me ō kare ā-roto mō te rapu utu i roto i te whanaungatanga.

He huarahi āwhina te tuhituhi hei whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto me te tātari i ō whakaaro. Ka taea hoki e ia te āwhina i a koe ki te whai i tō ahunga whakamua i a koe e ora ake ana i tēnei wheako uaua.

3. Rapua he āwhina ngaio mēnā e tika ana.

Ki te uaua ki a koe te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto, whakaarohia te rapu āwhina ngaio. Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te tautoko me te ārahi i a koe e mahi ana i tēnei wā uaua.

4. Hoatu he wā ki a koe anō kia ora ai.

He wheako mamae te tinihanga rapu utu. Hoatu he wā ki a koe anō kia pouri, kia ora, kia ora anō hoki. Kāore he wā whakarite mō te ora, nō reira haere i tō ake tere.

5. Kaua e whakatau wawe i ngā whakatau utu mō te whanaungatanga.

He mea nui kia kaua e whakatau nui i a koe e arotake ana i ngā mea i tupu. Taria kia wātea te wā ki te marino me te whakaaroaro i mua i te whakatau i tētahi mea mō tō whanaungatanga, mō tō heke mai rānei.

Whakamutunga

He uaua, he mamae hoki te rapu utu tinihanga. Ahakoa tō taha, he mea nui te hoatu i te wā ki a koe anō kia ora ai, kia ora ai. Ki te mea ko koe te tangata i tinihangatia, ngana kia kaua e whakatau nui kia tae rā anō ki te wā e marino ai koe, kia whakaaroaro ai.

Ki te mea ko koe te tangata nāna te tinihanga, kia pono ki a koe anō me tō hoa mō te mea i tupu me te take. He taahiraa nui te tango i te kawenga mō āu mahi i roto i te tukanga whakaora. Ahakoa pēhea, kia mahara he tika koe kia harikoa, kia hauora hoki i roto i ō whanaungatanga katoa.